My Daybook

FOR TODAY

March 20,2014

Outside my window...

...is sunshine!  This winter has been brutal in regards to the snow and cold.  We have not had a many gloomy days as we normally have in the winter, but overall I am glad to say good-bye to this winter. It is still cold, but it has a different feel to it - less bitter.  Of course, it could be my imagination and overarching yearning for the mild days of spring. But today there is bright sun. 

I am thinking...

...about all the things I want to do this spring and summer.  I want to spend more time outside with the kiddos planting flowers and veggies.  I want to savor the fresh flavor of a homegrown harvest.  I want to continue  my quest for simplifying my life, including unloading even more physical stuff that I really don't need.  I want to get back into my exercise program and shed some weight so I can have lots of fun walking in the Cancer Walk in honor of my dad in September. I am thinking about all the things I have to look forward to, and not living under the shadow of grief that has been my companion for the last 2 years. 

I am thankful...

...for hope.  Hope is the basis of my life.  Hope is born out of my faith in the love and redemption offered by God.  That hope and faith takes away so much of the fear that has ruled my life for so many years.  Nothing can take away the bad things that are going to occur in this world, but it does give me the ability to look past them and realize that I don't have rely on myself. It also gives me the comfort that whatever I am going through is for a larger purpose.

In the kitchen...

...nothing much is happening.  We need to really get back on menu planning wagon to make the most of our food dollars and to ensure we are making healthy choices.  We need to plan out some freezer meals and get those prepared so we don't fall back on comfort food.  

I am wearing...

...jammies.  Today is one of those days that spring will put a stop.  When it is so cold that I don't really want to take a shower, when the it is so cold that I know no one is going to be dropping in for a visit.  Those days result in laziness and being totally unproductive.  I am not saying that those days don't have their place, because they do. But recently those days are becoming the norm instead of the treat. 

I am creating...

...fun scrapbooks about the adoption journeys for each of the Cubs.  I have given myself permission not to create a work of art on every page and just get those memories down.  It is so freeing and I am actually creating better pages than ever before. 

I am going...

...to relax and enjoy the simple moments for awhile.  I have been working towards things for so long with my rest days more of an escape where I hide instead of savor and enjoy.  So this month of increased sun and milder weather are going to be about all about creating precious moments to reflect on and relive in the future. 

I am wondering...

...if I am ever going to have a quiet few minutes to get my work done.  The cubs have been in my office every couple of moment ALL MORNING!  I am thankful that they want my input and my help. I need to never forget that these moments are fleeting and will soon be over and I will wonder why my house is so quiet!

I am reading...

...a book about a Ukrainian man's life from pre-WWII to almost present time - Sliding On The Snow Stone.  It is sometimes hard to read because I really don't want to face that people have and still do live like this.  But overall it is a story of how he adapts and makes the best of what is given to him.  I am currently about 3/4 of the way through the book. I would highly recommend it!.  I am also working my way through all 4 of the gospels during Lent.  

I am hoping...

...for some calm and routine.  I feel as if life has been nothing but running in crisis mode for so long.  I am really working to relax and "go with the flow" instead of panicking. A retreat that I helped present last weekend really helped me with that.  While my life is never going to be routine and scheduled, I can shut down the adrenaline a bit and just enjoy. 

I am looking forward to...

...getting my desk cleared off and my office rearranged for more efficiency.  Homeschooling the Cubs has been a learning process.  One of the learning things is how to be effective at my income earning job as well as meeting the needs of the Cubs at the same time.  Having a bit more organization so everything does not end up on my desk will go a long way in my productivity!

I am learning...

...that perfection does not matter, memories do.  I would never call myself perfect.  I would call myself a control addict, though.  The unfortunate thing is that since getting married I have not been in control of anything.  Control and perfectionism, I have realized, go hand in hand.  Because I have not been a been able to do things the way I want them done, it is easier to not do them at all.  Well, life will pass by and I will have achieved nothing except living in a messy house!  It has taken me a lot of years to get this lesson through my head.  But now that I am learning it, I am eager to embrace new opportunities, create more memories, and laugh at myself!

Around the house...

...I am picking and choosing which projects I want to tackle.  The big one right now is my office and the kitchen.  I need to figure out how to get rid of the clutter in both rooms and make them more efficient in order for the family to spend less time looking for things and more time doing!

I am pondering...

...what curriculum to use for the Cubs next year and feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

A favorite quote for today...

From very early on, Christian theologians and spiritual writers made a comparison between Jesus' cleansing of the temple in Jerusalem and Jesus' cleansing of our hearts and bodies. St. Paul refers to the body as a "temple of the Holy Spirit." Your self, your body, your whole person is meant to be a temple, a holy place where God dwells and where prayer and union with God is central. It's a beautiful image: rightly ordered, we become temples of the Holy Spirit.

This image leads to an important question: what goes wrong within the temple of our souls? The same thing that went wrong with the Temple in Jerusalem--what's meant to be a house of prayer becomes a den of thieves. All kinds of distractions came into the Temple, money changers and corrupt influences, those who turned people away from worshiping God.

Today, we should ask, what distractions and corruptions have come into the temple of my heart and body?

Lent is a terrific time to allow Jesus Christ to make a whip of cords and come into the temple of our hearts, and, while there, to turn some tables over, to flip things upside down if he has to.

What would Jesus chase out of your heart if he had a chance? If you let him in, with all the wonderful fury displayed in the Gospels, what would he cleanse?   

(Fr. Robert Barron)

One of my favorite things...

...snuggling with the Cubs while reading the Bible out loud to them. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:

1) Getting my work reports completed

2) Clearing off my desk

3) Getting rid of the clothes the Cubs have outgrown

4) Having Papa Bear get to work fixing my grandfather's desk to get it moved into the office

5) Creating a menu plan

6) Getting some recipes in page protectors and into a notebook

A peek into my day...

My little work companion.  Baby Bear was concerned that this little sweetie was not feeling well and was lonely.  She sat on my desk corner for most of the day nibbling and dozing.  Who would have thought that a week ago I would be enjoying the company of a rodent?!

Sunshine so bright I had to keep the blinds closed so that I could work and no be blinded by the back-light!

To get your own prompts to capture a moment in time please see The Simple Woman's Daybook Blog.

The power of 2 words

The cubs have had chores for many years, but I am totally horrible at consistency, so they know how to do a lot of things around the house, they just don't do them!  One thing we have been fairly consistent enforcing is unloading the dishwasher.  This school year we have been been really working on making sure we eat at the table together several times a week.  This then created a new job - clearing the table. Papa Bear is fairly particular about how the dishwasher is loaded. It comes from his days of packing the bellies of planes.  But there are at least 2 of us who do not have natural inclination towards organization, and none of us live up to his standards.  So the easiest path is to let him do it.  On evenings he is not home and it is up to the Cubs and I to do housework we either leave it for him to get home, or we do our best.  Now, the leave it strategy is not in the least bit helpful to the Cubs development.

So tonight Papa Bear went to his cousin's place to fix a couple of computers.  I needed to get something done, so after leaving Baby Bear to her duties I went into the other room to something.  Baby Bear come in a few minutes later and informed me that she loaded the dishwasher, hand washed the dishes she knew could not go into the dishwasher, dried them and then put them away.  She then told me why there was 1 pan that she could not wash because she did not know what to do with the items in it.  She did all the hand-washing and drying and putting away without being asked.

I was so impressed and extremely proud.
After she recited what she had achieved, she trudged off to take a shower.
I called her back so she could see my face and gave her a heart felt "Thank You".
He face absolutely lit up. She grinned at me and bounced up the stairs.

It is amazing what 2 simple words can do for person.
They can affirm, lift up and inspire.

This goes beyond being polite.
This goes to the very heart of reaching my child.
It shows them appreciation for not only what they do, but that I care that THEY do it.

2 small words....
One amazing outcome.

Exuberance

I am not, by nature, and exuberant individual.  I don't blossom with energy or burst with excitement very often.  But I have people in my house who do.  My cubs do.  They show me how to look at things with fresh perspective.  They take the tension that accumulates throughout the day, and with one glance, one hug, they wipe it away.  That is on a normal day.  On days something special happening, watch out. Those cubs will glow.  The cubs will allow me to see things through their eyes. They show me that the simple things in life remain the most amazing.  They light a fire within me to grow and become a better version of myself.

One day, long ago, the family had planned a day at the local zoo.  My parents were coming for the outing.  Anyone looking at the excitement in the cubs' eyes would have thought we were going to meet a superstar instead of a camel.  But that is the beauty of children.  They live in the moment.  They don't worry about the meeting coming up on Monday.  There is no Monday to them.  Their entire world was that day in that zoo with the people they love the most.  

The cubs are older now, and they get bogged down at times with worries about tests and squabbles between friends.  Papa Bear and I are no longer the absolute center of their universe.  But there are moments when I see those very small children still lurking inside them.  Times when they still seek out the comfort of an evening snuggle, when a spontaneous smile and giggle escapes, when they turn to me and tell me it is time for our weekly date.  I grasp those moments, through they slip through my fingers like water.  They leave their mark, but I can never contain them.  And that is ok.  That is what is supposed to happen as they become young people moving towards adulthood.  They are still giving me the gift of the appreciation of the moment.  And before long it will be my job to remind them to slow down, to appreciate and to present in the moment as they rear their children.  And the circle will continue.

While working on some scrapbooking (I am only 23 years behind), I found this picture of one of my cubs on that zoo day.  She had just awakened and realized that her grandparents were on their way and we were soon heading off for a huge adventure.  

In my last post I showed you the sneak peek of Hat of Bunny's newest kit.  It has been released today.  That is the kit I used to create this page.

Hat of Bunny has a beautiful new kit.

Morning Glory

 Inspired by the beautiful morning glory, which blooms early in the morning and greets people as they wake up, "Morning Glory: is a kit that includes everything the morning glory stands for: love, affection, and the transience of live.

With soft and elegant colors, hand-crafted elements and word-art that encourages one to meet and seize each day with joy, "Morning Glory" is a great, versatile kit for capturing everyday moments.

 With 16 papers,

 52 elements,

and 6 full alphas!

Available as a full kit (best deal!) at ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios

 or individual pieces

Paper: ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios

Elements: ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios

Alpha: ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios

CT Inspiration:

 by Catherine

 by Heather

 by Amber (Template by Fiddle-dee-dee)

 by Shelby

 by MayehmMama

by Dorine

Freebies:

Journal cards and quick page by Catherine available at her blog.

Sneak Peek

We had a break in the weather this past weekend!
It got up into the mid 50s and we were able to open the house up and let the breeze blow the nasty germs out of the house.  Papa Bear and Baby Bear have been sick.  The house smelled so wonderful.  The only problem was that we forgot to turn the furnace on when we closed up the house and woke up to quite a chilly house.

School for the girls is progressing.  We have finally found a bit of a routine and identified things that we need to do better.  We instituted some of those changes the past 2 weeks and the days have been much smoother and more productive.  Having a weekly date with one of the cubs has made a world of difference. On Saturday whose ever date is coming up will start counting down the time and making plans.  I have learned a lot about each of them in the short time I have been doing this.  I have also noticed that behavior has improved as well.  Or maybe I should say that by taking this time to learn more about them one on one I am learning how to deal with particular  behaviors.  Date time is also a great time discuss some of those behaviors away from the heat of the moment.

This date time is not always a money spender, nor does it require time away from the house.  Yesterday Baby Bear and I baked  bread together and made invites for her birthday party.  Little Bear would wander in and ask questions, but knew that the main focus of my attention was on Baby Bear.  There was no major jealousy involved because Little Bear knew next week it would be her turn for the attention.  Another great thing about these dates is the chance to take some pictures corralling only one cub!  I have gotten some really amazing shots (as amazing as you can take on a phone since I am in desperate need of a new camera (hint, hint Papa Bear!)) of the Cubs.  This pictures are really great to use in my Project 52 - scrapping each  week of the year.

Now that we have had a taste of spring (though the almanac says that the weather in March is going to be even worse than January and February) I am looking forward to scrapping lots of pretty spring pictures.  hat of Bunny is releasing a new kit on the 27th is really going to fit that bill!

will be available at ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios.

Swirling thoughts

The last few weeks have been full of experiences that have caused a virtual tornado of thoughts and emotions, most of which in today's society would be considered controversial if now downright polarizing.  I have been trying to wordsmith things so that I can clearly express my thoughts and views, but have not had much success at this point.  That is why I have been fairly quiet.

But I will share a moment in time that made my heart sing.

I have started to institute "dates" with my kiddos.  Each week I take one of them out for some 1:1 time.  It may be a lunch date, going out for ice cream or other dessert, or some sort of treat, such as a $5 mani at the local beauty school.  This week Baby Bear wanted to take along in Little Bear's date, mostly because dad was not bowing to Baby Bear's wishes.  Baby bear was informed that the decision was up to Little Bear, and that Little Bear had the right to no.  Little Bear did indeed say no.  Later in the car Little Bear confessed that Baby Bear was upset because of the answer.  I just sat and listened.  Then the nugget of gold was revealed -
 "Mom, I said no because I just wanted time alone with you"

My heart was bursting.  Little Bear is hitting that age where kisses are few and time with friends seems to be more important than time with family.  Hearing that the desire for time with me is still a high priority left me with glow that has still not diminished today!

A New New Year

Asian countries have started following the "Western Calendar", but traditionally they celebrate "Lunar New Year". China, Korea, VietNam and Japan all have their own specific traditions for this holiday. China, from research that I have done, seems to celebrate it the longest. If you get a chance, take a few minutes and look up "Chinese New Year". There are a lot of fun traditions that you can introduce into your own family and let your kiddos know a bit more about the world. Here are 20 Chinese New Year Facts. Here is an article with links to ways to teach about Chinese New Year. Here is a fun article on traditional foods prepared and eaten during the festival. And while I don't always agree with things Disney does, I do like this page on Chinese New Year.

 We have a lot of fun with Chinese New Year in our house. We have adopted some of the things into our own family with a Christian twist - we recommit ourselves to God, we symbolically sweep out the house to rid it of sin and the devil (great for little ones - they really latch on to that concept), ask forgiveness from family members we may have wronged or hurt, and then get together with friends for a major Chinese food feast! Throughout this time we will remember and honor those that are no longer with us and pray for their souls. This year the kiddos are old enough to understand and enjoy putting up "couplets" around our door. Once again we will do it according to our beliefs and post blessings around the door. We enjoy doing this because it recognizes and honors their birth culture. We also do it because it allows us a chance to step away from the Christmas rush and the New Year pressure of resolutions and create a time for setting some goals for the year. It is anther chance to celebrate during the gloomy time between Christmas and spring!  It is a chance to eat more Chinese food!  It is yet another way to create traditions that the cubs will remember throughout their lives (hopefully with fond memories!).

Let me know if you have any non-traditional traditions in your family!

In honor of Chinese New Year, Hat of Bunny has created a new kit. It will be perfect for not only Chinese New Year, but also to scrap all those visits to the Chinese Restaurant, as well as any picture that needs to be showcased in elegant, bold colors. Here is a sneak peek!

will be available at ScrapTakeout and With Love Studios

Control

For those who know me IRL - I am pretty much a control freak.

OK, it may not look like it, from the chaos,
  from the horrifying mess,
from the untidiness of my lovely home.

I am more of I need to know what is going on at all times and be able to find everyone and make what I am doing as perfect as I can do.  That is part of the reason we have an untidy (yep, gonna stick with that) home - no one wants to do things my way so I am just going to quit.  I know, very grown up of me.

So today Baby Bear was done with school very early and was totally bored.  Like sit in front of the TV and complain bored.  Given that I have a monster cold I was not in the mood to argue with said child that there was plenty to do around the house from crafts to cleaning.  Hmmmmmmm, what can I do that requires minimal physical and brain effort on my part but will fulfill some sort of learning on the part of the child....

So I decided that we could cook something.  I like to cook.  I can do many of my favorite recipes without even looking at them.  I just needed one that required attention for short periods of time.  Papa Bear has informed me that we are out of bread.  I can pretty much make bread in my sleep and it is very forgiving as long as one stays within some boundaries.  Perfect!

Unfortunately Baby Bear has caught on to the fact that I want things done a certain way and I am not very good at letting anyone else do something unless it is done to my specifications.  Well, since I don't feel terrific and this is for family consumption only, I decided to relinquish control and work on both of us learning something.  Baby Bear's face lit up with I explained that I was only going to give instructions but do none of the work.  I now have a batch of wonderful smelling dough in the middle of the first rise sitting in about the only warm spot in my house that I could find.  I have Baby Bear looking very proud.  And I have everyone caught up on their school work.  But the best part was listening to to the child tell me why we did things a certain way, and watch the light go on as a concept was realized.  I was informed, in fact, that baking bread with me has now become so much fun that the next lesson needs to be how to hand knead dough.  I think that is going to have to wait until I way over this cold!

While I may  be an old dog, and while I may be set in my tricks, it is possible for me to learn some new ones so that I can create Messy Miracles with my cubs.

The Bread

Yesterday I mentioned that I had bread proofing in the kitchen.

I have found that my family loves homemade bread.  I had not made yeast bread in a long time.
A long, LONG time!

 In fact, it was probably before the Cubs came along.  I love baking, though.  Kneading the bread dough was always very therapeutic for me. Working with people who are facing some of the worst times in their lives can be very stressful and frustrating.  So I would take those frustrations out on the bread dough.  It is messy therapy, but it is therapy and I get comfort food out of the deal as well.

Fast forward to the last few months when we have been extremely short on money.  I had the ingredients in my pantry and fridge to make bread, which was one of the prepared staples that we did not have.  So I went to my favorite place on the Internet - PINTEREST.  I found a recipe that looked fairly simple, and even better it looked pretty healthy.  The worst part is that I wrote down the recipe and did not write the source.  I know, I know - a home schooling mom who does not write down resources.  Bad Mama!

So, just for you wonderful readers (all 2 of you if I am lucky) I went and found the recipe and it is now dutifully recorded on my written recipe as well as on my Pinterest recipe board.

If you have not experienced the joy of making break, beating out your frustrations on a hapless yet forgiving lump of dough, you have GOT to give it a try.

Simple Whole Wheat Bread

To let you know just HOW forgiving this recipe is...

~I have run out of honey and just substituted regular sugar (no real difference in taste)

~I have used only 3 cups of white flour and the rest whole wheat flour (a bit denser but it still rises well)

~I have used 3 cups of oats, 2 cups of white flour and the rest whole wheat flour (a bit of a different texture, but still rises great and it adds a different variety of grain in our diets)

~I have used too much water in the beginning (just add more flour when kneading)

~I have forgotten the salt (I am sure there is a valid chemical reason why it is in there, but I have no idea what it is and the bread turned out just fine!)

~I have forgotten the second 1/3 C of honey/sugar (it is just not as sweet, but still wonderful)

Some things I want to do with this recipe in the future is to....

~add some sunflower seeds during the final kneading

~roll out one loaf and sprinkle cinnamon and raisins in it and then roll it up before the final rise

~experiment with some other grains/nut-flours to introduce a variety of grains into our diet 

The benefits of having freshly baked bread is that I get to determine exactly what goes into it and what does NOT go in there.  There are none of the preservatives or high fructose corn syrup found in several commercially baked bread.  

Another set of benefits is that my children understand that there is work that goes into the food they eat.  

The looks on their faces when they get to punch down the dough, smell the bread baking, tap it to determine if it is done, and then eating that first piece of bread while it is still warm is priceless.  

During our time in the kitchen together we go over: 

~ math facts - fractions, weights and measures 

~ science - watching the yeast start to grow and the bread rise  

~ health - what goes in the bread and why is it healthy or not

~ home maintence - how to keep the kitchen clean while cooking, taking care of appliances, cleaning up after ourselves

~ life - it is amazing the conversations that occur while hands are occupied making food

For my family, baking bread is not just providing food for the body.  

It is providing an opportunity to help our family bond and grow. 

It is about opening communication and sharing.  

It is about growing and learning and loving and, as always,

Making Messes with My Miracles!

Time Flies!

Wow, the last few weeks have been a blur!

School is going fairly well.  There have been several bumps that we are working through.  There have been days I wondered why in heaven's name did I even dream about doing this.  There have been a LOT of days that I think throwing them on the school bus would be SO much nicer!  But then my oldest snuggles up with me at night.  My youngest begs for me to read through her lesson with her.  Those are the times that I know we made the right decision.

We live in a decent area of town with very good schools.  But there has been a shift in how the schools are treating the kids.  The first 4 years they were at school I had a sense of true caring in the staff.  I could go in and my kids were begging to STAY at school.  Then something shifted.   Not sure exactly what it was, but bit by bit my kids were coming how with really nasty attitudes,  tears over how they were treated by fellow students as well as teachers,  and there was no one who would listen to our concerns.  When it was time for my oldest to move from the elementary school the middle school I knew that we had to make some decisions.  The middle school is huge.  The teachers that taught 5th grade had been previous middle school teachers who had been moved into the elementary school because of school changes.  These teachers ran the classrooms like a middle school.  That would be fine, but there was no real easing into it.  There was no sense of caring for the individual student.  My oldest has some challenges.  The challenges are not severe enough to warrant an individual education plan, but they are bad enough that she needs a bit more attention.  Last year in school that was totally missing.  My oldest who absolutely LOVES school was now coming home in tears, literally.  This child was going to be eaten up in middle school.  So the decision was made to try this form of homeschooling for one year.  One of my good friends from church assured me that we can't screw them up too badly in only 1 year.  Another friend who homeschools all 8 of her children reminded me that we need to learn to be a family again - that our consistent parental love and authority needs to be relearned by everyone, including my husband and myself.  So we took the plunge and are now several weeks into the process.  My house is not clean (not that this is new), my laundry is still not caught up let alone folded, and we are still searching for some sort of routine.  But we are definitely learning to be a family again.  The children are back testing boundaries, but appropriately. They are also talking openly with us about many topics.  The children are learning how to be supportive of each.  Don't misunderstand me, they still compete for our attention and they fight tooth and nail many times a day.  But there is a lot less venom when they fuss at each other.  I am so thankful that we have this opportunity to grow with our children, to be at the very center of their development so that we can guide and teach them right from wrong and know who their friends are.